He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
