DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
