i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
