Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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