this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
