youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
