is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize