she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
