there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
