I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
