It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize