When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
