we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
