You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
