nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Mom said you looked used
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
