I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
