i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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