I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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