I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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