so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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