A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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