Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
