His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We have started to decorate penises.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
