420 ftw
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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