she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
