yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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