Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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