Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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