my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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