No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
