Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
