I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
