We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
