he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
