All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
