NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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