I just made out with a guy for $7.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
