I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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