shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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