It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
