Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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