apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
