ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
is it fun? or sober?
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