This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
