Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
