people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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