somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
