I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
