hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize