people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
