I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
