I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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