Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
