I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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