speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
