so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
