i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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