I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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