**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
