Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
