based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
