she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
