Kiss
Puke
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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