I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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