Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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