You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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