Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
no you cant smoke seaweed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
