your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
