I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
