I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
