I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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