I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
